Mary Ha today. Photo By Peter Ha

MY MOTHER CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD: The Mary Ha Story

Camilla Ha interviews her mother about being raised from the dead, and her experiences with Jesus and Satan.
By Camilla Ha

CAMILLA: Mom, do you believe in evil?

MARY: Yes! Evil is dead people and they're everywhere.

CAMILLA: You mean like zombies?

MARY: No... don't you know about Easter? The greatest temptation is for people to believe God is dead.

CAMILLA: Do you think God is alive?

MARY: Of course!

CAMILLA: Have you seen this for yourself? You know for sure God is alive?

MARY: Oh yes.

CAMILLA: So you've seen God?

MARY: What I believe to be God, yes.

CAMILLA: What does God look like?

MARY: It wasn't just what he looked like--there was also a smell and a bright white light. I couldn't see a distinct face, only a hand, but I could see he was wearing a white dress. And there was a wonderful smell--I think what heaven must smell like.

CAMILLA: So God was a man wearing a white dress and perfume? What the hell?

MARY: That's what I saw.

CAMILLA: I remember when I was really young--like 8 or something--I was staying over at Helen R's house...

(Camilla says: Helen R. is an old Polish woman who my parents first met in Korea, where her son Richard was doing missionary work with the Catholic Church. When I was a kid, I would spend some weekends over at Helen's apartment that was in an old folks' home in downtown San Diego. Richard and my father were really good friends and when my father was sick one day, Richard traveled a great distance on foot to bring him some books. On the way there, he stepped on a rusty nail and eventually died from the infection. This was particularly tragic because my father had recently lost his older brother as well.)

Camilla Ha, two years old

CAMILLA: ...I remember Helen praying and speaking in tongues and thinking that was kind of cool. I was really intrigued...

She had this one friend, who was also like 90 years old, and looked like a really tall skeleton. He looked like death. He wore a gray suit and fedora and was carrying a suitcase that was plastered with photos of aborted fetuses and chopped up baby parts. It was super gory and horrifying.

Helen and I were eating in the cafeteria at the old folks' place and this guy walks up and they're talking about how AIDS was so great and how it was God's punishment to gay men. I remember being pretty disturbed even though I didn't know what AIDS was or what gay was or anything. I just remember looking at this man's suitcase and listening to him talk about how he thought it was so cool all these people were dying. When he left, Helen said to me, "That man is a good Catholic." I think that was when I started questioning Catholicism and not going to church and stuff.

Remember we would have horrible arguments because I refused to go to church with you guys? Catholicism turned into something really confusing for me. I still loved all the ritual and mass, but suddenly it got political and complicated and I didn't like that. So I was wondering, why did you decide to become Catholic?

MARY: Well, when I was born, I was born dead. My mother had a friend who was like an aunt to me. She lived in our neighborhood and she was Catholic.

CAMILLA: But your mom was Buddhist right?

MARY: Yes, my whole family is Buddhist. But when I was born dead, this friend prayed over me and I started breathing! It was a miracle. The nurses had already wrapped my body up and pronounced me dead. So when I started breathing, it was a miracle, you better believe it. After that my parents always encouraged me to go to Catholic mass with her.

Camiila Ha sitting in Mary Ha’s lap, first birthday.

CAMILLA: So you weren't rebelling against your parents by not becoming Buddhist?

MARY: No, it was never a question. Even my parents knew it was a miracle. What happened to me was a mystery. And Catholics believe in The Mystery.

Artist Depiction of Mary’s Rebirth by Dame Darcy

CAMILLA: I like mystery too, but I don't consider myself a Catholic.

MARY: What do you mean? That's how you were raised.

CAMILLA: That doesn't mean I'm Catholic. Actually, I think I need to destroy your god. I think it's time for a new god. I think it's my turn to be God!

MARY: (silence) ...What is it you're saying?

Camilla happy, after some rock show.

CAMILLA: What do you think about that saying, "Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spiritualism is for people who've already been there?"

MARY: Speak clearly, I don't understand what you're trying to say.

CAMILLA: Is your god responsible for war and death and famine and backstabbing assholes?

MARY: No. That's The Darkness. The Darkness is very smart. It has an IQ of 6000. And it's fierce. It comes at you with claws, and if it gets ahold of you, it's very difficult to get free. Not impossible, but very difficult.

CAMILLA: So what's God's IQ?

MARY: He doesn't need one.

CAMILLA: But if God is separate from darkness, I would think that sets up a conflict. Wouldn't God want to be smarter than The Darkness so he could kick its ass?

MARY: You're such a beginner! Why don't you go read the Bible. The truth is right there.

CAMILLA: Yes, I've heard.

MARY: You're a very bad girl. You never listen to me.

CAMILLA: No! I mean it! I really do want to read the Bible. It's on my list.